


The Sunrise

by MyBizarreRomance (fawnspotsam)



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-09-08
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-12 13:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/125115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fawnspotsam/pseuds/MyBizarreRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto is thinking over his and Jack's relationship. [Pre-Gwen, AU - slash, obviously]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based partially on the teary therapy sessions of The Paris Letter's Sandy Sonnenburg and the song "He Dreams He's Awake", by Stars, an amazing Canadian(I'm proud, okay? ~_^) band.

I lay in the darkness, staring up at the dim blue light creeping out from the outer Hub. I can feel the warm, but thin, white sheets - now a light blue from the lighting - over my legs. I can feel the heat from the warm body next to me.

His muscular arm drapes across my chest, his hot breathe running down my neck. I take in a sobbing breathe, trying to keep as silent as possible. I don't want him to wake.  
I never want to be here. My skin feels as if it burns at his touch. I feel dirty, lying here night after night. Fuck after fuck. It makes my skin crawl thinking of what each night brought.

But I endure. For her. Only for her. To keep her alive. I would do anything.

I admit, I get shivers when the sun sets. The rest of the team go home. They leave me alone. With him. I'm glad no one knows. 

I feel Jack kiss the crook of my neck. It burns, I flinch. He's awake. Oh no. 

When the night falls, Jack takes me. In the shadows of the Hub. The places he makes me have sex with him in. I insist that I'm not having sex with him; he is with me. He is the one fucking me. 

I tell her that. She is the only one I love. One day, I will find a way to help her. 

It is only when the sun rises; in the morning. When the team comes back from their peaceful nights. I do the walk of shame. Not that anyone would notice me, though. They're too busy for that.

I use Jack's shower in the mornings. I practically scald myself with the hot water; trying to get him off of me. Off of my body, out of my skin. It rarely helps, though. He's there. He's everywhere. He haunts me. 

"Ianto." He whispers. I close my eyes, trying pathetically to pass off as asleep. Jack rests his head against my chest, pressing against my heart. 

It's the night that truly scares me. I rarely actually go out. I stay; paranoid of the chance of someone finding her. Especially Jack. He knows the first person to go to. Me, of course.  
But, it still puzzles me; why me? He probably thinks of me as one of the most unstable members of Torchwood. Why let me, of all people, down to his compartment under his office? Let me see his weaknesses, his faults...

Usually, when I go off on these endless questions in my mind, I just resolve it temporarily, thinking to myself that Jack is just a pervert. A perverted man who just does what he wants.

I remember the first time Jack had come to me. In the night, the darkness taking over even the Hub. Jack came up behind me. I didn't know he was there. I suddenly felt two hands rest on either side of my waist. I spun around, pulling my gun out, aiming. Jack smiled and took the gun out of my hand. He kissed me. I didn't know what to do.  
I let it happen. It was a month into my employment at Torchwood. Still a panicky mess; worried about every glance from anyone; scared that they knew about her. After that night, I was worried that the team knew about Jack and I. 

She accuses me of not loving her. She tells me to kill her; that she has nothing to live for. I tell her I do it for her. It's the only way to get on his good side quickly. She understands. 

I think of the past. Times with her. Love; true love, it seemed. But, in Torchwood, true love seems destined to fail. No one in Torchwood lives to have lives outside of it. The relationship is complicated; systematical, even. But, as the person I am, I appreciated the order in which things went. I loved the reassurance that everything will be alright.

Jack. Jack. Jack.

It hurts to think of him. The craziness of not knowing what is going to happen. It makes me head spin.

The sex. It's crazy. It's intoxicating; the deliriousness of it. Not knowing what is going to happen. It makes my heart pound in my chest. It makes my skin burn at his touch. The excitement of every night. It's terrifying.

He holds me afterward. Every night. He says nothing. Just wraps his arms around me, holding me close. Until we fall asleep.

This warmth; this comfort he has... I wonder where it comes from. His warm, soft breathing on my neck, his beautiful body against mine, holding me in his arms. It seems to envelope me in a dream of peacefulness.

I think, for the first time in my life, I may be beginning to be happy. 

I remember where I am, and relax my breathing.

"I'm sorry." Jack whispers.

I open my eyes.

He's gone.

I'm in my bed.

I hear my front door shut through my open bedroom door.

I sigh and roll over.

I hear a crumple.

I pick up the paper I rolled over.

_'I found Lisa'_


	2. Just Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning Ianto finds Jack's note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I had never updated this, and I had on FF.N - so I'll be updating this now :)

Staring out my bedroom window from my warm bed, I watch the sunrise. I love the bright flashes when glass from the buildings outside reflects the light as the morning shines upon them.

A new day.

Jack left an hour ago. I'm too scared to get out of bed. He found her. Lisa. I know what that means. 90 percent chance she’s just dead, 10 percent he had her interrogated _before_ she was killed.

I finally found the courage to get out of bed, walking out into the hall, then into the kitchen. I open the fridge and pick out a bottle of water. I pause.

What if I’m next? He’s probably added retcon to everything in my apartment.

I emptied my fridge, threw out my toothpaste, my Listerine. Even my eye drops. Pity; I need them for all those nights working so late. It’s a _miracle_ that there’s a Visine for that.

I took a shower and went out for breakfast.

 *

There was a small café on the corner on my building’s block. I usually go there to eat if I catch the smallest space of free time; something rare to find working at Torchwood. I take a seat at the table in a seemingly forgotten corner of the café and pick up a menu. A waitress comes over after a few minutes.

“‘Ello, sweetheart, what can I get you?” She says, smiling down at me, holding a small notepad and pen in her hands. I smiled.

“Eggs and chips, I suppose.” I reply, sighing. I’m not that hungry.

“Coffee, too?” She asks. I nod and she walks away.

I run my fingers through my hair nervously, looking down at the table. I hear the chair across from me scrape the floor tiles as it is pushed out, and someone sits. I look up.

“Surprised to see me?” Jack says, flashing his trademark grin. I scrunch my eyebrows together, confused about why he’s here. “You’re pretty smart for taking the precaution of cleaning out your apartment.” Jack continues to speak, picking up the menu and looking through it. “But, I am a _little_ offended that you think I would retcon you.” He smiles, cocking one eyebrow at me as he glances up from the menu for a brief moment.

“Oh, sweetie, you’ve got a friend in today?” The waitress returns, placing my order down in front of me. I feel my cheeks burn. Jack smiles quietly.

“Yes, he does.” Jack says, still smiling. He turns to her, “Could I just get a cup of coffee?” He asks before she leaves.

“‘ _Sweetie_ ’? That’s adorable.” Jack comments. I frown. “Now, then, back to business...” Jack says, tapping his fingers on the edge of the table.

“If you don’t want to get rid of me, what do you want?” I ask, taking a bite of my egg.

“Why was she there?” He asks firmly. _So, she wasn’t interrogated..._

“I was keeping her alive.” I reply, shyly looking at the table.

“She was a cyberman.” Jack says, frowning.

“She worked at Torchwood... She was my girlfriend.” I nearly whisper, shyly, poking at my food with my fork.

“She wasn’t human anymore.” Jack insists. His coffee mug is placed on the table by the waitress. Jack smiles briefly at her.

“She could be. I was going to find a way to help her –”

“There is no way. It’s hopeless.” Jack interrupts me. I glare at him.

“The operation was incomplete, there might—”

“No, Ianto, there isn’t; give up.” Jack’s tone is firm. I stay silent for a moment.

“You killed her.”

“I had to.”

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and leaning back in my chair. After a moment, I open my eyes again. Jack is still there. I’m not quite sure why I but, somewhere inside, I expected him to have disappeared when I opened my eyes again.

“Ianto, I expect you to come in to work as normal.” Jack says, taking a sip of his coffee, making a face as he set the mug back down.

“You know, once you taste Ianto-coffee, you’re a bit spoiled for anything else.” Jack comments, making me unable to stop myself from smiling. I slouch in my seat, my fingers lazily touching my lips, pathetically trying to hide my smile.

“I have to stock up my flat again... I threw out _anything_ that could have been tainted with retcon.” I sigh, eating a chip. Jack smiles.

“One of the many reasons I just love you; you can never be too prepared.” Jack jokes. I frown, nearly choking on the chip in my mouth.

There was silence.

I open my mouth to speak, but Jack does first. “I’ll see you at the Hub at 7:00 ‘o’ clock, sharp, tomorrow morning.” Jack says, clearing his throat. He stands, placing a ten quid note on the table before walking away and leaving the café. I frown, throwing my head back in a sigh.


End file.
